Ok, so this is one of those days that I crack open the window to my soul to the Rachel inside the Rachel. My life has been filled with challenges as of late, and I’ve taken the last three days to concertedly pray about something that I’ve been struggling with, really battling against since October (“What took you so long?” you might ask–I’ll I’ve got is that I’m a sloooow learner).
But isn’t it surreal when you start praying about one problem, the Lord brings all these lovely, nasty issues to the surface of the heart-stew? Over and over again, He been speaking to me about my pride. Yeah, we all struggle with it, confess, try to be humble, etc. But it wasn’t until yesterday did I really examine what I was being prideful about.
So let’s scoot back in time a few weeks to Sunday School class…I go to a recently-formed single mom’s SS class. I’ve been enjoying it since my first Sunday there and even though I can only attend every other week due to other commitments in the church, I was beginning to get to know the other women, they me, I pray for them, etc. We conclude each class with prayer in a circle holding each other’s hands. It’s nice. Well, that particular Sunday, one of the leaders said, as we were in our circle holding hands, “I want you all to ask yourselves, ‘Why do I go to Sunday school?'” The co-director chimed in, “Yep, I was thinking the exact same question.” On the surface it’s one of those Duh, I go to learn about the Bible and fellowship answers.
On the surface.
But this past Sunday in class was powerful. We have a time of prayer requests/praises at the beginning of each class and girlfriend, we were testifyin’, ’cause wrapped up in each request was this incredible praise, stuff that I had been going through that other women had just gone through and how God gave the victory, there were Amens and thank-you-Jesuses spilling out of our mouths and were were weeping. I shared about God providing another car for me, one raised her hand and said she need a domestic lawyer. We are praying for Margaret* to get her CNA certification. Our lives as single moms are Meeeessy.
We really need each other. Because without one another we are islands and we are lonely and isolated.
I realized that, when it came to this class, this label as “single mom”, I had this pride all wrapped up in it and I realized that it came from two root, damaging thoughts:
#1 This isn’t me. I didn’t come about this role like other moms do. I was married, we had planned, we had saved. I had prayed over this child since the moment I found out I was pregnant. There were two of us when this little one came to be.
#2 This is just temporary. This is a stopover. This is not permanent. Well, the reality is, this “temporary” situation is my life. It is where God has placed me right now it is exactly where I need to be.
Man, I was prideful. I needed one of those ladies to slap me up over the head to knock some sense into me. I need these women, I need that class and I needed to be there to share my struggles with them.
Honey child, this is a room full of mommas. Fierce mommas who are trying to raise up their children to know God. Mommas who will fight, make mistakes, learn, make enemies and try to keep the peace in their own homes. It’s like this She-ra forcefield or something–and it is powerful.
Care to share any ways God’s been bubbling something to the surface in your life?